Listening in the Reconciliation Process

Naga reconciliation is not just necessary but the only way towards building a future for our people… Reconciliation is so spiritual and so deeply healing that there are no set strategies or methods to follow…when we listen, we use our compassion rather than our judgement, and therefore listening makes us humane

Naga women folks in traditional attire during a reconciliation meeting held at Kohima on December 20, 2001(Photo: The Hindu)

Neichü Dz. Angami Mayer

Let me begin by acknowledging the unique beginning of the Naga Reconciliation Process. We, the Naga people under the leadership of our church and the Naga Hoho (the apex Naga tribal council) along with the various social organisations, chose to launch the process of Reconciliation in the midst of conflict, even while the tearing apart, the horrific happenings and the growing division and distrust is so painfully real.

We realized that Reconciliation is not just necessary but the only way towards building a future for our people. Although we could not fully comprehend the complexities and challenges of such a unique beginning, we knew it meant facing and dealing with our violent past. This acknowledgement and realization I believe, is the redeeming ground where our journey from brokenness to wholeness begins.

Reconciliation is so spiritual and so deeply healing that there are no set strategies or methods to follow. It is to be experienced. And it can be experienced only through the healing of the heart. This is why Reconciliation can never be a hasty process.  It takes time to repair and restore the dignity and honour of those who have suffered. It takes time because it is not just about the cessation of violence or healing of memories or receiving forgiveness, it involves challenging and changing systems that provoked, promoted or sustained violence and suffering.

John Carroll remarked, ‘Genuine Reconciliation must meet conflict and face its causes squarely’. Reconciliation therefore, requires courage to speak the truth, hear the truth and embrace the truth. This process of facing the truth through addressing and examining the causes of violence and suffering can be painful and can cause great sense of insecurity and fear. It brings to light painful and difficult memories because it requires narration of the horrific stories over and over again so that the narratives of the lie are confronted.

My own interest in Reconciliation sparked off during a difficult conversation with a colleague who lost all her family members including her husband and children during the Cambodian genocide. One morning I invited her to join me for a prayer and she very gently said to me, ‘I have prayed every hour for four years during 1975 to 1979 and lost most special people in my life. I have nothing and nobody to pray for. You must pray because you have your loved ones at home’. I felt a sharp piercing in my heart. How dare I expect her to forgive those who caused such inhuman pain to her! How dare I expect her to live and let live – forgetting all the hurts behind and move on! It was during those days that I was convicted in my heart about the difficult and yet extremely crucial need for collective listening in the reconciliation journey.

In the listening process we are moving from being silent victims and observant to listening for healing and liberation. In our attempts to listen, we are preparing ourselves to be vulnerable, to be moved and to be challenged. When we listen, we hear a deep cry for redemption even while the bitterness and the hatred is so real and obvious.

Listening is more than hearing. Words are heard through the use of our hearing sense whilst listening entails the use of our emotions, mind and heart. In listening, we are able to discern and embrace with compassion and courage the deepest longings of the heart in each human being. Listening is a spiritual exercise. It takes us out of ourselves and help us to enter into another person’s world – it means entering into the world of their lost-ness and tragedy.

In the reconciliation process, we not only listen to what they say, but we listen to what they cannot say and more importantly, we listen to what they will not say. Such an exercise requires a genuine willingness and interest to fully immerse into the live of the other, and be moved in the deepest core of our being. When we listen, we use our compassion rather than our judgement, and therefore listening makes us humane. People start to heal when they feel heard, and being heard is so close to being loved. Hence listening can only come from love. Listening can heal wounds and build bridges across divides.

The writer Neichü Dz. Angami Mayer has undergone trainings in conflict resolution and has initiated a series of workshops and dialogues in schools, churches, youth clubs and amongst civil societies in Nagaland. She is also a trained specialist and counsellor in drug, alcohol addiction and HIV/AIDS. Neichü is currently based in Israel and is a full time mother and homemaker.

The above article was first written in the month of October in the year 2006.